Alexandra Pope'Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed' was the ninth beatitude.'
Dame Edith Evans: I can't imagine going on when there are no more expectations.
It's weird how one could agree with 2 conflicting statements so strongly.
After a month of uncertainty and deep thinking,(indeed I never thought I would need to rack my brains this much ever since I submitted my final essay) I decided that to be "blessed" seems a more welcoming choice though I currently am not in the state of mind to wonder how I can make this happen.
It seems like the 2 days of nausea have woken me up from my stupor ... time to face the ugly truth? Im not looking forward to it but how long more to wallow in this confusion and self-misery?
I hate self-misery. It reminds me of the whiny females in my class back in sec sch, the ones I fantasize about throwing in the big garbage bins outside the school and just bang the lids on them with a smirk smile on my face.
These days, my fantasies evolved into more "sci-fi" images of shrinking offensive people into thumbelina size before throwing them down the rubbish chute or flushing down the toliet bowl.
But right now, I felt like tying myself to a gigiantic balloon so that I can have some really peaceful time flying out to the sky to contemplate my next steps ...
I hope it happens in my dreams tonight ....
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